What it means to love too much

I've always been the girl that was too intense for most people. I am that way with relationships and I suppose I'm the same with friendships. Whether its the big gestures or the little ones. However, I am extremely selective with who I let in and I only show my goofy interior to those I'm comfortable with. I have known guys who have told me that I wasn't "girlfriend material" because apparently they thought I was "wife material". If you assume that's a compliment, it's really not. Though that clearly demonstrates that they were never looking to get serious to begin with which is extremely off putting.

Many a time I've been told never to let my guard down so easily, never to be that girl who laid all her cards on the table and to never show my emotions because it's a sign of weakness. Never make the first move, never admit to liking someone first, never ask a guy out on a date, never send the first text, never be so totally available, never show who you really are beneath it all. To clear the air, I never took any of that crap seriously. Bare in mind that all that advice came from insecure women and men who never measured up. We live in a world where we care so much about what people think of us that we've lost ourselves completely.

Truth is, men are just as afraid of putting themselves out there and getting hurt. No one wants to put themselves in a vulnerable position. Playing emotional mind games is hardly going to get you anywhere and in the long run, its exhausting and unnecessary. Not to mention, the other party would lose a significant amount of respect for you. I know I would.

We live in the 21st century. Why are we so afraid of embracing who we are? Why do we make life more complicated then it already is? We seem to exist merely for that purpose alone.

If you like someone, let them know. If you're interested in someone, ask them out. If you miss someone, text them, tell them & make plans. I'd love to get texts like that! Awesome, if they like you back & move on if they don't. That might be easier said then done but I promise you, it saves you from so much drama and prolonged heartache. Love yourself enough to know what you're worth and what you deserve. If someone can't see how very amazing you are, they're probably not right for you anyway and they definitely do not deserve you. If someone likes you, they'll make every effort to be part of your life. It works both ways. No excuses.

The girl that loves too much is intense. Some may even find her overwhelming or challenging. She'll go a million miles for someone she cares about. She'll prioritize the people who are important to her. She'll make time for her loved ones. She's in when she's in and she'll see her emotions through, regardless of how things turn out. She'll always give you the benefit of the doubt. She'll overlook your flaws and imperfections. She'll emphasize on your strengths. She'll be supportive regardless of what you choose to do. She'll forgive you endlessly. She'll push you to be the best version of yourself because she sees your potential. She'll never try to change you. This also means that she'll get hurt just as badly. Being an open book comes with its own consequences especially when one falls into the wrong hands. However, regardless of how many times she's been hurt, she lives to see the good in everything and everyone. Some may even assume she's unrealistic but the truth of the matter is, she's an idealist.

Just don't push her too far. Don't date her if you're not sure about her. Don't give her the wrong idea if you're on the fence. The minute you break her heart, the second you stop valuing her, she'll walk away and she'll be gone for good. She constantly puts herself out there because it's comforting to know she's getting warmer. She's getting closer. In a way, that makes it worth the risk.


In conclusion, The girl that loves too much breaks all the rules. She's a rebel at heart and in all honesty, she's never felt more alive!

The "Good" in Goodbyes

We often have this notion that Goodbyes are a bad thing. It signifies the end of an era or a tradition. A relationship, a friendship and the agony of having to deal with missing someone that's no longer in your life. Sometimes we miss the "idea" rather then the actual person. I'm not gonna argue that it's easy but I would like to highlight that although goodbyes signify an end, they also signify a new beginning.

"When you come out of the storm, you won't be the same person that walked in. That's what the storm is all about" - Haruki Murakami.

My take on relationships is simple. I believe the basis to any relationship is a long standing friendship over time which consists of Honesty, Integrity, Principle centered values, Commitment and Communication. If those characteristics exist, so will mutual respect and trust. Everything else, just falls into place.

Things change when you're in the company of someone who constantly brings in new ideas, who shares their beliefs, thoughts and who's open about everything. When you learn and grow from each other, you'll know there's soulmate potential lurking. We need to work on being the best version of ourselves so that we end up attracting the same!

The whole idea of happy endings is that, it's not the end if you arn't happy! So much is within our control and so much isn't. Constantly work on what you can change and have faith in the ones you can't. Bad things happen to good people all the time and expressing your feelings, isn't a sign of weakness but a promise of strength.

One thing I've learnt is to never let anyone tell you your expectations are unrealistic for I believe we are what we attract. You'll be so pleasantly surprised when you meet your match (:

Eat, Pray, Love & the 7 Stages of Grief

Eat, Pray, Love didn't just end up being one of my favorite reads that I go to for comfort and affirmation during times of crisis. Each time, it gives me a brand new revelation and helps me see everything in a new light. Julia Roberts was an amazing lead in the movie and I can't stress the book or movie enough! My inspiration for travels - not just the idea of a getaway but to actually create an impact, was inspired. I've stopped believing in co-incidences for as long as I can remember and I do believe each person we cross paths with; a blessing or a lesson helps us grow and become better then who we are at present.

Time is an ironic thing, sometimes we meet people we don't see ourselves without. With friends, We create plans for the future, we see them as bridesmaids at our wedding someday, we see them as travel buddies for the future and we see ourselves much older, looking back at old pictures and mocking the way we looked and all that craziness. With romantic partners, we picture a life together, an adventure. The funny thing is, before any of those plans could manifest into reality, that same person no longer exists. Time can change everything, it changes our expectations, it changes our goals, dreams and expectations from one another.

The 7 stages of grief isn't just about a death of a loved one, its the death of someone that no longer exists in our lives. The hurt is real and its probably one of the worst feelings in the world. Desperation for answers, Denial, Bargaining, Relapse, Anger, Initial acceptance and Redirected hope. Now, there are many versions of the 7 stages for losing a loved one, going through the phases of death and etc but whatever you may call it or how differently we grief, we have to go through all 7 stages to feel whole again. There is no stipulated time frame for this and sometimes, in my case, it may even take years. Sometimes, we never get over the grief.

However, I believe its important to see the best in the worst situation imaginable. It's important to forgive yourself. The biggest lesson I've learnt thus far was the importance of loving yourself - to the moon and back. Giving priority to your own needs, whether its indulging in a sinful dessert at the end of a hectic week or going on a spa day. Its important to realize everything you want and everything you're looking for, isn't out there in the world. It's within.

"In the end, I've come to believe in something I call the physics of the quest. A force in nature governed by laws as real as the laws of gravity. The rule of quest physics goes something like this: If you are brave enough to leave behind everything familiar and comforting, which can be anything from your house to bitter old resentments and set out on a truth seeking journey either externally or internally and if you are truly willing to regard everything that happens to you as a clue and if you are willing to accept everyone you meet along the way as a teacher and if you are prepared to face and forgive some very difficult realities about yourself then the truth will not be withheld from you. I can't help but believe it - given my experience." - Eat, Pray, Love

Is the Fitbit Charge HR worth the hype? yay or nay?

I'm going to start my first blog entry after a decade by doing an in depth review on the much anticipated Fitbit Charge HR!

I've been fascinated with trackers for the last couple of months. I tried the samsung gear fit prior which for some reason never quite worked for me due to constant issues with bluetooth pairing. It did not take me long to stop using it altogether! I wanted something to help me get on track with regards to monitoring my heart rate (I do suffer from chronic asthma from time to time), food/calorie intake and of course monitoring my workouts. I've checked out tonnes of reviews on youtube and decided to take the plunge with the Fitbit Charge Hr.

The product:
Fist off, I downloaded the Fitbit app from the playstore and paired it with bluetooth. Be sure to switch on bluetooth & location prior on your phone. If you encounter problems with pairing, try disabling "location" on your phone. I realize it works differently with some phone models. Start off by creating an account and keying in personal information.

I appreciated the simplicity of the product. It's literally idiot-proof and I never needed a manual to figure out the functions. The rubber strap was comfortable to wear throughout the day and night. It also comes in the S and L size I believe. The S fit me just fine and I still had wiggle room. There are 8 holes on the strap which you may adjust to your fit. A lcd screen displays the time (which can be customized), steps taken throughout the day, heart rate, km, calories burned, steps climbed, a stop watch feature as well as an alarm. I loved the feature of enabling calls where the Fitbit displays caller ID when paired with bluetooth, as long as your phone isn't too far away. I found this feature incredibly useful especially when I had my hands full throughout the day or during runs when my phone was in my pocket.

The device also lets you challenge your friends which is great motivation. Apart from that, Fitbit rewards you with badges when you've met a goal such as climbing 10 floors a day, taking 10,000 steps a day and etc. You get badges when you exceed the daily limit as well. The device on your wrist also vibrates to alert you when you have reached your goal. To customize any of the above, just get on your fitbit app and hit "Charge HR" it bring you to the device page and shows your current battery percentage. Tap again to customize how you want to sync your data as well as other cool features.

Pro's:
1) lightweight
2) ability to customize features such as what you would like displayed on the device, an alarm (there isn't a sound but the device vibrates to "wake you up"). I am a pretty heavy sleepy and it woke me up! haha.
3) The material - it was easy to clean and even when I ran in light rain, my device worked just fine.
4) Caller ID feature
5) It takes less than an hour to charge the device
6) It lets you customize goals according to your preference such as keying in data on how much water you have drank, calculates calories consumed based on a food log/how many more calories you should consume within the day based on your weight loss goals & shows how you've slept.
7) A weekly status update that's sent to your email!
8) The app on your phone notifies you when there's an update to keep your device running on the latest software.

Con's:
1) The first time I tried to pair the watch with my Note 5, I had to wait several minutes. Yes, several minutes of panic. So if your fitbit is taking awhile just stay calm and keep it close by! (However, I experienced no issues with a lost connection or found the need to pair my device all over again after the first attempt even when I changed phones or switched off bluetooth).2) If you arn't used to wearing a watch, it might take awhile to adapt to wearing the device on your wrist, especially while you sleep.
3) The device might not be suitable for people who work night shifts as a new day starts at 12am on the app (unable to customize this setting)
4) Battery life isn't as great as I'd have liked - I usually have to charge the device every 3 days.

Overall, this device is definitely a YAY! I found no flaws big enough to keep me from using this device. It does a good job with keeping me motivated! I found myself looking forward to my next workout and challenging myself to meet daily goals. I've also resulted in staying better hydrated and keeping with the recommended 2 liters a day!

If you're looking for a fitness tracker for losing weight, gaining weight or maintaining your current weight, the Fitbit Charge HR might just be your new best friend! :)

Fun Facts on Einstein!

I have always been intrigued by Albert Einstein! I like the way perspectives on something identical changes over time - the way we mature and we see that same thing; differently.

Einstein passed away from an abdominal aortic aneurysm in 1955. The pathologist that performed the autopsy on Einstein also ended up stealing the world's smartest brain! Research proves that extracting brain cells from someone intelligent & injecting it into our systems could make us intelligent as well. Seeing how cloning has been seriously considered, couldn't we create smart children? However, I wonder how much damage it would cause in the future.

All the world's a stage

It certainly feels as though the world's a stage; we're merely players with our entrances and our exits; each with a given role yet we're also given the most priceless gift - free will. For some reason, despite the fact that the purpose of life is to develop relationships. I think its also coming to the conclusion that each one us is at a different stage of spiritual evolution and hence our priorities are different.

Discoveries on Anthropology!

Since I'm in the midst of revising for my final year papers. I just thought I'd blog on anthropology & give emphasis on what fascinates me most. #1 I love the whole idea that race does not exist. We are all Homo Sapien. Skin color, eye color, hair color are all simple environmental adaptations and are epiphenomenal, but genetically we are all the same! Race is a human construct to lump people into categories, but it does not exist! You cannot prove a race through DNA. Coolest fact on the planet yet at the same time, when we finally accept that race does not exist; it gets very frustrating become we now have to convince the rest of the world.

#2 Humans have walked this earth for 2.5 Million years for Homo Sapiens, but if you want to include our ancestors, we date back 4 Million years.

#3 Is Cultural Relativism even possible? Can you really see a culture on their own terms, without your own cultural biases? I think you can try your best but you will always carry something from your culture with you, which will make your work biased in some way. Big bummer! I guess there's a limit to how objective one can be.

#4 The only thing that can't be classified as a social construct is biological evolution!

#5 "survival of the fittest". Contrary to popular assumption, "fittest" does not mean the best in everything, or the meanest and strongest, or an improvement towards a higher goal. It means "best adapted to exploit a hitherto un-occupied niche to ensure survival of further generations"

:)

Maslow.

I have been taking a fine interest in Maslow's characteristics of Self Actualizers from his case studies. I read his stuff and I feel as sane as a 2 year old! Okay, maybe that wasn't the best of comparisons! Bottom line: As insane as I drive myself and everyone else sometimes OR as insane as someone drives me!; There are certain things I know that will always hold true. I can really relate to this guy cause I find myself with similar traits! There are 15 characteristics to his study.

#1 Efficient perception of reality - They do not let their own wishes and desires colour their perceptions. Consequently, they are able to detect the deceitful and fake.

I see through people like a mirror. This explains why the mask they grip on to so firmly drops off in due time. It gets exhausting when you try to be someone you're not.

#2 Acceptance of themselves, others and nature or fate - They realize that people, including themselves, make mistakes and have frailties and they accept this fact. They do not always evaluate others, categorizing them as good or bad. They accept natural events, even disasters, as part of life.

We are only human and its through mistakes that we learn and gain experience. Mistakes are an essential learning process but it works just as well, if we're able to learn from another individual's short comings as well.

#3 Spontaneity - Their behaviour is marked by simplicity and honest naturalness. They do not put on airs or strain to create an effect. They trust their impulses.

We like being ourselves and we expect people to accept us for who we are. We don't need to prove anything to anyone. If you take time to know us, you'll have no problems with trying to understand.

#4 Problem Focus - They have an interest in the larger philosophical and ethical problems of their times. Petty issues hold little interest for them.

Most of the time, we create our own problems whether its intentional or not. Our deepest empathy goes out to to individuals that are really at their lowest (literally)and take it as a challenge to make a difference in their lives.

#5 Affinity for solitude - They are comfortable with being alone.

Being alone, gives you time to think things through. It helps with coming to resolutions. We realise that we need to turn within when loneliness strikes. Everything else, is just temporary.

#6 Independence from culture and environment - They do not go in for fads. They prefer to follow their self determined interests.

Its not about how far it takes you, how much money it brings in or etc. Its about following your interests/dreams. Its like fulfilling that satisfaction.

#7 Continued freshness of appreciation - They have a ''beginner's mind'', for which every event, no matter how common, is experienced as if for the first time. They appreciate the ordinary and find pleasure and awe in the mundane.

We learn not to take things and people for granted. We treat every human being as a unique individual and we never characterize people of similarity together.

#8 More frequent peak experiences. A peak experience us a momentary feeling of extreme wonder, awe and vision. Sometimes called the ''oceanic feeling''. Some people refer to them as ''mystical experiences'', although Maslow said they often come during ordinary day to day activities such as while out jogging or while cooking dinner. They are special experiences that appear to be very meaningful to the person who has one.

This is pretty hard to elaborate on. Its like finding yourself at a stand still all of a sudden; even the word self realization, appears to be an understatement. Its a feeling like no other and it can only be explained when you face it.

#9 Genuine desire to help the human race. Although many self actualizes were great and important people in history; ordinary people can be self actualized as well. All self actualizers however tend to have a deep and sincere caring for their fellow humans.

There isnt a need to be rich or famous in order to be a self actualizer and make a difference. We choose who we want to be and believe me, the angels sing when you resist temptation! ;) I care about human beings so much cause every one of us is apart of him. Thats the closest statement I could think of that explains why I feel the way I do.

#10 Deep ties with relatively few people. Although they care deeply about others, they have relatively few very good friends. They tend to prefer being extreamly private and allow only a few people to really know them.

I think I like this characteristic best. Personally, it holds true. The problem is we are social misfits cause we chose to be different and showing the real us to people, will only send them running for their lives. We tend to be a real challenge! However, if you are true... we open up and you'll realize the hidden extrovert within :)

#11 Democratic values - They respect and value everyone and are not prejudiced in terms of holding stereotypes about people based on superficial characteristics, such as race, religion, sex and age.

Basically, we accept people for who they are.

#12 Ability to descriminate between means and ends. They enjoy doing something for its own sake, rather them simply doing something for the goals the activity can fufill. For example they may take up gardening not so much for the vegetables but because they take pleasure in the process of gardening.

There are no motives. We do the things we do for pure pleasure and satisfaction. Like they say, its the journey that counts; not the ending!

#13 Philosophical sense of humor - Most humor is an attempt to make fun of a perceived inferiority of a person or group of people. Self actualizers do not think such jokes are funny. Instead, what they find funny are examples of human foolishness in general. Their humor tends to be more thoughtful and philosophical.

Human foolishness - hell yeah! We're careful with our choice of words and sensitive to the feelings of people around.

#14 Creativity can be thought of as the ability to see connections between things - connections that no one has seen before. They are more likely to be creative because of their fresh perception of even ordinary things.

A perceptive individual is dangerous :) We see through lies and deciet and Psychology has no part to play in this. When we find out the true morally unacceptable intentions that people have, we're done with them.

#15 Resistance to encultration - Cultures tell us how to behave, how to dress and even how to interact with another individual. Self actualizers remain detached from culture bond rules and resist being immersed in the requirements of society. They often appear different from and act differently than the crowd.

We believe in creating our own style! The whole idea of going with the crowd, does not work with us. We're extreamly comfy with ourselves and we personally do not care about what people think. We stand out from the crowd as ''misfits'' but we know, who we really are and we're proud of it! :)

I might be right or wrong about the whole elaboration bit. This is just from a personal point of view and probably every individual would come up with a different concept on what Maslow was trying to explain.

Seasonal Affective Disorder

Believe me, I never knew such a disorder even existed till recently lol.

As the days grow shorter and darker in fall and winter, many people begin to experience symptoms of Seasonal Affective Disorder, also known as SAD. This mood disorder is linked to seasonal changes in light and is marked by periods of depression, fatigue and social avoidance. These symptoms typically begin during the late fall, as the daylight hours shorten, and continue through winters marked by gray skies, less sunlight and cold weather that keeps people indoors.

I don't think Singaporeans have any chance of getting SAD though. Its practically sunny all year round with exceptions for bad weather during ''winter''.There are a few treatments available for this disorder. Light therapy, Light boxes, Medication in combination with light therapy or CBT.

Psychoanalytic Therapy founded by Sigmund Freud, is also referred to as ''Talk Therapy''. The therapy provider will look for patterns or significant events that may play a role in the client’s current difficulties. Psychoanalysts believe that childhood events and unconscious feelings, thoughts and motivations play a role in mental illness and maladaptive behaviors.

A good example of behavioral therapy would be a therapist working with a client to overcome a fear of heights. The therapist would encourage the client to gradually face their fear of heights through experience. The client might first imagine standing on the roof of a tall building or riding an escalator. Next, the client would slowly expose themselves to greater and greater levels of their fear until the phobia diminishes or disappears entirely.

Group Therapy has proven to cause progress. Knowing/meeting other people who are experiencing the same synthoms or who have recovered from a similar problem can provide effective peer support.

Creating Dreams

I remember how intrigued I was let in Naidu on the 'secret' when we did our module relating to Dreams. Whats the definition of a dream? Its as simple as this sentence. Its just an uncompleted thought. The brain can never leave anything hanging. Every thought that gets created, has to be completed.

Here's how you go about it ... Think about something you wanna dream of (works best right before bed) & then before completing that thought aka your 'self created dream', skip it! & think about something else or do something & just forget about the dream. Remember: You cannot think about that thought again. If you do, it wont work.

Personally, most of the time, I end up 'falling asleep on that thought' so its much easier than pretending to forget about it :)

Its really hard though, but it honestly works. Took me a couple of tries before I mastered the technique. You are not able to control the dream. Its just that ''the uncompleted thought which is mostly a thing or a person'' will be in that dream. Its fun to use this if you miss people :) Also, I should warn you, that ''dream'' works as a nightmare too haha so bewareeee!

The dream thing also works if you have the tendency to do heavy reading before bed. Don't be surprised if you end up dreaming of fictional characters or anything related to what you read.

Here's something on Love ...

Sigmund Freud aka The father of Psychology says that 'love is that thing you recognize as your own at the other person. Or it is something you wish you were. Love is always a reflex: of something you recognize as yours, or something you wish to be.'